


Babies

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Domestic Disputes, F/M, Infertility, POV Second Person, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: It was a secret that made you feel so guilty inside, but it had to come out sometime.





	Babies

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on February 9, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: An anon requested a fic where “Ravi and the reader are engaged and they get into a fight. When Ravi lifts his hand to sigh or something similar, the reader breaks down” and another anon that requested a fic where “Ravi and the reader get into a small argument that escalates and Ravi hits the reader.” I felt like both were similar so I rolled them into one and this came out. I tried to find a good topic to argue about and this seemed like one, but I honestly feel like I didn’t capture the emotion enough. I feel like this could have been more intense, but I’m not sure how to make it so. Oh well. >.> Honestly, given the subject matter, this fic was probably more appropriate to write for Leo, but I can see it happening with Ravi too. Hope you enjoy anons.

“What did you just say?” Ravi asked, squeaking in shock and confusion. He’d dropped his chopsticks and was staring at you, half chewed food visible as his mouth hung open slightly. You took a deep breath, squirming under his gaze as you built up the courage to say the words again.

“I can’t have kids.” The words came out more clearly, more firm than they had the first time. You laced your fingers together under the table and squeezed tightly. Ravi blinked, slowly sitting back as the information settled in.

“You can’t have kids…” he repeated slowly. “Like, you can’t get pregnant?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, the word almost getting stuck in your throat. His gaze drifted down to the food in front of him.

“We can’t have kids…” The words were like lead weights, gravelly as his voice sunk into its lower registers.  “Do you know why?” His eyes snapped back up to yours, filled with sadness and concern.

“My hormones are messed up. I’ve known for a few years now,” you explained. Ravi visibly relaxed.

“Then we can get hormone treatments when we’re ready,” he sighed, closing his eyes. Squeezing your hands tighter under the table, you pursed your lips as you tried to find the right words to break the rest of what you wanted to say to your fiancé.

“It’s _not_ that simple,” you finally said, the words coming out sharper than you’d intended. “Even with hormone treatments, it would be really difficult.” Ravi opened his eyes, mood crashing back down. Moments before you’d broken the news to him, he had been talking about his cousin’s new baby, about how he couldn’t wait to be a father himself. It wasn’t the first time similar conversations had come up, and every time they made you feel guiltier and guiltier for keeping your mouth shut.

“Surrogates, adoption—we can make it work somehow. I-I don’t care about the cost—“

“Ravi,” you said, immediately sucking in a breath and reaching across the table to cup his hand in yours. You looked him dead in the eye as you dropped the real bomb, “ _I don’t want to have kids_.”

Ravi stared at you blankly, seemingly unable to comprehend your words. It was as if his entire spirit had left his body. With six little words, you’d managed to take away one of the most important things to him. From very early in your relationship it was obvious that he’d wanted to have at least two children, that he thought he’d be an excellent father. You also thought he’d make an excellent father, and it tore you up inside that you couldn’t and didn’t _want_ to have kids.

“Why? Are you afraid? You’d be a great mother—“

“I’d be a shitty mother. I _hate_ kids. I have no patience with them,” you cut him off. Ravi pursed his lips, his hand clenching into a fist between yours. His brows knitted together in some emotion that was a mix between anger and betrayal.

“How can you hate children?” Ravi asked, voice dripping with disgust. You tightened your grip on his hand, hurt by his reaction.

“I just can’t stand them. I’ve never gotten along well with them…” your explanation died in your mouth as Ravi pulled his hand away from yours and pushed himself up.

“Why didn’t you tell me something like this earlier?” His words were sharp and powerful.

“Because I felt guilty.” The words spilled out of your mouth before you really had a chance to think about them.

“This isn’t the kind of thing you hide from someone until a few months before the wedding,” Ravi spat.  He whirled around and headed towards the fridge.

“I know I should have told you earlier, but there never seemed to be a good time,” you tried to excuse. He ripped a beer from door and chugged it down. Your fingers curled into your palms as Ravi slammed the empty can on the counter. Given the heavy revelation you didn’t blame him for turning to alcohol, but you wished he would have this conversation with you completely sober.

“What else is there that you haven’t found a ‘good time’ to tell me?” he asked, keeping his back towards you.

“That’s the only thing,” you said, tensing up. Ravi scoffed, body shaking as he leaned over the counter and cradled his head.

“Is there anyway I can change your mind about kids?” His voice quivered, breaking you heart.

“At this point it’s not even about changing my mind. I _can’t_ get pregnant,” you reasserted.

“I already told you, _money doesn’t matter_ ,” Ravi growled, spinning around to face you. You tensed, scared by the anger in his expression. “I’ll exhaust all the options before I’ll give up.”

“Do you know how _expensive_ that stuff is?” you hissed, standing up. Your hands trembled at your sides as you gripped them tightly into fists.

“Children are _priceless_. They’re worth any cost because they’ll repay that with the joy they’ll bring us.” As the words left Ravi’s mouth, he crossed the room back to you.

“There’re better things we could spend that money on. We don’t _need_ kids to be happy,” you tried to reason with him. Ravi gripped your shirt and yanked you closer to him. His eyes were dark with anger. A shiver ran down your spine as he growled.

“How can you even talk like that? You _know_ how important kids are to me.” The words stabbed you through the heart, and your guilt over the entire situation overwhelmed you.

“You’ll have your cousin’s and sister’s kids…” you blurted out, attempting to pacify his anger. Pain seared through your cheek, the strike of Ravi’s hand so quick you hadn’t even seen it coming.

“The day I let a boy get close enough to Jiwon to get her pregnant is the day I come back from the grave,” Ravi hissed. You shoved Ravi back, tears pricking your eyes.

“You need to loosen up with your sister. She’ll hate you at this rate,” you hissed. “And at least with a niece or nephew, you can be there to help take care of them.”

“It’s not the same.” Ravi’s voice was choked. He lifted his hand and pulled his promise ring off. Your heart stopped as your worst nightmare became reality. “I feel like everything I built this relationship on is a lie. I don’t know if I can be happy without kids…” Your knees felt weak and it became everything you could do to keep yourself standing.

“Is this really something to throw everything away over?” Your voice trembled as you fought back the tears. “Was I just some means to provide you with kids?” Ravi sucked in a sharp breath, turning his head away at the verbal blow.

“You aren’t, but…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say. He clenched the ring in his fist. “This is all too sudden and can’t think clearly. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“So we’re over?” Tears leaked down your cheeks despite your best efforts to keep them in.

“Maybe so…” He mumbled as he dropped the ring on the table and walked away towards the bedroom.

You sunk to your knees as he left, reaching out to take the promise ring as a sob wracked your body. Closing your hand around it, you brought it close to your stomach. You cursed your body, your personality and Ravi. You’d feared he would toss you aside once he found out and he had, even after being together so long. You probably should have told him earlier, but you loved him too much to just let him go. You’d always hoped you could reach an understanding despite your fears, but it seemed everything fell apart anyway.


End file.
